Once bitten Twice Shy..

 

When we feel romantic for someone then why it becomes so scary to admit that chemical reaction in your heart? Does our past experiences of love and relationships left us wounded for whole of our life...??

 When we have our past behind us, do we get into the “Once bitten twice shy” situation?

If our past relationship(s) didn’t work well, we inevitably come out of it because other one doesn’t feel the same anymore & we find nothing but rejection, this experience forces us to leave and move on. In this whole process of loving, coming together and falling apart we imbibe fear inside us.

In today’s world,  the shell around the a person’s life depicts that things are going well and he has moved on, however when we go deep inside the shell towards the core, this moving on didn’t happened 100%, maybe because that relationship was the best experience till now in one’s life.

It is often said that love which gives you immense happiness is bound to give you immense pain.

 “To love someone is beautiful, but to love a wrong person is dangerous”

In my 6 years of experience as a relationship counsellor, I have came across a lot of single men and women going through with this immense pain, carrying baggage of negative thoughts about love for rest of their lives. It becomes more like a challenge for them to express their feelings which make them scared internally when it comes to love.

If we carry the deep scars of our past, which holds us back and don’t allow us to open our heart for Love, then do we need to be Calculative or Precautionary? In the journey of saving our fragile self when it comes to relationships. But again if in a relation, either of the two is calculative, then it’s not love, its business, as business is done due to selfish reasons unlike Love, which is selfless. Loving someone and being loved is a blissful state and everyone should experience it. Otherwise one would miss one of the most important content of life irrespective of the time or duration you were in a relationship full of love.

Sometime I questioned myself why do people fall apart or it’s the love which fades away with time and if it does so, can it be love? Because love said to be immortal and forever, but here i believe that love is about living & growing together & when people stop growing in love, it fades away.

“it doesn’t matter two persons are not in love anymore, but what matters the most is that Love once shared was true and real”, this line holds good because love is a pure feeling which comes directly from the innermost emotions of man’s own sub-consciousness.

Being a relationship counsellor sometimes I think about life after heart break, one name comes in my mind is of former miss universe Sushmita Sen. In today’s world she is few of them who have the spirit to live life on their own terms. When i look back to her life and relationships, I get that hidden motivation of leaving the past and moving on fearlessly. But again i see only the shell of her life experience, but not the inner core.

For sure our past leaves a lot of impact on us, and we become very sensitive and guarded. In the initiation of saving ourselves we forget to cherish the feelings of love and to live life freely with open heart. As it said “failure is mother of all successes” we need to take every new relation as a different experience irrespective of the past one. Unlike a pessimist who is stuck on just one thought and sees everyone through the same colour glasses of black or white, and keeps on comparing & creating mess for his own self. Does that really matters, that at one point of time things didn’t worked out in the way which we wanted? & why do these things is such a big deal to us? Again if one looks behind in his life, he would find those moments shared, lived happily & lovingly for that part of his life when he was in love and was sharing every possible thing with someone special.

Is it really that the person you loved and who left you was the perfect one, well nothing is prefect in this world except the theories in the book of science, so why not take a leap into new relationships without recalling & relating to the tormented past.

Here i feel it becomes very important to deal with your past. Accept and let go things in healthy manner which help us to move on without any negativity. And yes it is possible.

We need to let go our guards to explore more, ant to flow & fall in love again with a belief that someone’s there to hold your hand throughout your life.